


so much more than everything

by excorde (constant)



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Heavy Angst, M/M, a little Fluff ig, dw they made up, i love asahi sm, we need more jaesahi fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:00:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24804310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant/pseuds/excorde
Summary: Even though every word took all of his strength to say it out loud, Jaehyuk tells him:"Let's break up."Or: Jaehyuk and Asahi realize what it takes to be in a relationship and how to make it work if they want to make it till the end.
Relationships: Hamada Asahi/Yoon Jaehyuk
Comments: 18
Kudos: 164





	so much more than everything

**Author's Note:**

> here is my attempt on watering the jaesahi tag

Even though every word took all of his strength to say it out loud, Jaehyuk tells him: 

"Let's break up." 

For a moment, there is only silence. 

Jaehyuk thinks he sees a trace of shock pass on Asahi's expression but it quickly disappears for him to be sure of it. 

Right now, he's looking at the all too familiar blank stare which he has grown to love over the years. Jaehyuk used to be so intrigued by that stoic expression. He used to make it his life mission - to see through Asahi’s deadpan countenance and decipher the subtle gestures that come along with it. A subtle twitch of his lips means that he’s uncomfortable. A quick arch of an eyebrow means, ‘I don’t know.’ If he blinks twice, that means he’s excited. 

His mysteriousness, among his other charming traits, is what makes Hamada Asahi unique and it's in these qualities which fascinated Jaehyuk with him from the get-go. For months, he’s all he could think about. Asahi is just so quiet and so into his own world that when in the same crowded room, Jaehyuk couldn’t help but look over at his direction a few times, just to check what the other is up to. Fascination turned to attraction, and before he knew it - before Jaehyuk could even stop it - he was already falling in love. 

"Why?" Comes the calm, unfaltering question. His voice doesn’t even crack, nor does it show any signs of distress. If Jaehyuk doesn't know any better, he would think that Asahi doesn't give two shits about him. About _them_. 

See, that's the thing. Jaehyuk has grown tired of Asahi's robotlike and deadpan expressions. He doesn't like the way he has to second guess every reaction (or lack thereof) coming from him. He _knows_ that it's a part of who he is _and he can't change that,_ but Jaehyuk has always believed that once they had gotten past the awkward beginning of a relationship, Asahi would gradually tear his walls down for him. 

They've been together for two years but it appears as though Asahi had never gotten comfortable around him. Is it too much to ask for a little affection? For some reassuring words? Or unsolicited kisses? Is it crazy that Jaehyuk wishes for Asahi to get mad at him, to yell at him, to point out something he did that he didn't like? 

Jaehyuk tells him all this in a quivering voice. The onslaught of emotions makes him jumble his words, but once he started pouring out his feelings, he couldn't stop. How pathetic he must have looked explaining with a face full of tears, while his companion only stands there, stiff and looking more blank than ever. 

He doesn't think nothing could hurt more than telling Asahi of wanting to end their relationship. But in the short pause of Jaehyuk trying to catch his breath, it comes crashing down on him, proving him all wrong. 

Looking straight into his eyes, Asahi gives a firm nod, then says, "Okay." 

  
  
  


While Asahi has a great hold over his emotions, Jaehyuk tips closer towards impulsivity. The box of his stuff which he gathered from Asahi’s apartment sits on the couch beside him. He tries not to stare at it because it’s as if its weight clamps down on him the longer he looks at it. 

But he can’t help it. 

He digs through the box and takes everything out one by one - his yellow hoodie, the one matching with Asahi’s. It dawned on them too late that buying the same hoodie in the same color wouldn’t be the best idea. They couldn’t tell which is which and Jaehyuk’s sure that Asahi has worn his hoodie just as much as he has worn the other’s and this only resolves his guess when he presses the fabric to his nose and catches a whiff of Asahi’s sweet green tea scent. 

Jaehyuk closes his eyes and imagines his love in the same room. Standing right before him, hesitating. Taking him in his arms and whispering in his ear, telling him that everything will be okay. That they can work it out. That they can get through this rough patch in their relationship. Asahi’s shy little smile, telling him everything Jaehyuk wants to hear without the need for words. His smiles are so rare that prompting one makes Jaehyuk feel he has accomplished something great. But now, he has let that chance go. There is no opportunity left for him to have that kind of achievement anymore. 

He gets a grip on himself as he tosses the hoodie back in the box, wiping his face from tears. The moment his vision clears, he spots an unfamiliar item jutting out of the edge of the case. Ignoring the voice in his head which screams at him to forget it, Jaehyuk takes it out and immediately feels his heart drop when he recognizes what it is. 

Asahi’s sketchbook. 

Jaehyuk must have picked it up mistaking it as one of his books. In his defense, he was still pretty bummed when he tidied up earlier, both his head and heart refusing productivity. 

Asahi never let him touch his sketchbooks. If there’s something he wants to show Jaehyuk, he only holds up the page for him, Jaehyuk never getting as much as the chance of grazing the tip of his fingers on the pages. Now that it’s here, curiosity takes over him. 

He flips through page after page, stopping only for several seconds to admire the details on his drawings. _God_ , Asahi. 

Jaehyuk doesn’t know what to do. He chokes back a sob, the tears rolling on his face and he beats himself up for the idiot that he is. Even though it took all of his strength to turn from one page to another, Jaehyuk still pushes through. 

These are all sketches of _him_. 

In different angles, in different expressions, but all with the same detailed work. 

“I’m such an _idiot_.” Jaehyuk mutters as he hugs the sketchbook close to him, afraid that this too would be taken away from him. But having something taken away from you is entirely different from pushing someone away. 

His cries echo in the dim-lit room, muttering out apologies over and over but no matter how much he says, Jaehyuk knows it will never be enough. 

  
  


Jaehyuk stirs at the sound of the doorbell. His mind is groggy from the lack of rest. He thinks it’s only been over an hour since he has cried himself to sleep, making it hard for him to process anything at all but the harsh reality of the loss of his lover. 

He doesn’t even wonder why someone would be at his door right now. He allows his feet to lead him to the front door without having much thought about it. When he swings it open, however, his mind goes all haywire. 

He must be dreaming. He has to be. There’s no way Asahi’s standing before him right now, eyes glazed with intensity. The frantic look and the heavy breathing is so off-brand of him. 

Jaehyuk _still_ must be dreaming. 

“I’m sorry.” Asahi’s voice cracks at the last syllable and Jaehyuk’s heart clenches at the foreign yet awful sound.

“What?” He croaks out, throat dry. 

“I changed my mind.” Asahi is panting. He looks like he just ran all the way to Jaehyuk’s apartment. He would never do anything like that. Asahi hates moving too much. 

He still must be dreaming. 

“Sahi-”

Asahi cuts him off, “I changed my mind and I’m _speaking_ my mind. You have to listen to me.” 

He sounds real. The conviction in his voice sounds real. Jaehyuk can’t find the right words to respond, so he just nods. 

“I don’t want you to let _me_ go because- because I don’t want _you_ to go. You’re-” Asahi shakes his head, a tight-lipped smile adorning his lips. He struggles to keep his emotions at bay but his eyes say it all. The way his voice quivers says it all.

“Jaehyuk, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, so-” Asahi hangs his head, his chest shaking. “So _please_.” 

For a moment, Jaehyuk only stands there, frozen on his spot. Dream or not, he knows what his heart wants either way. He knows what he has to do, may it be in a dream, or in this reality, or in a parallel universe: He steps closer towards Asahi then wraps his arms around him, pulling him close until their chests are pressed together and they couldn’t figure out which heartbeat is whose. Asahi sobs into his shoulder and Jaehyuk feels his heart shatter at the sound of him crying.

"Please don't break up with me." 

“No, no, baby. I’m not.” 

Jaehyuk doesn’t know how much time has passed with them holding each other on the doorstep, throwing apologies to one another. 

Jaehyuk says he’s sorry for not understanding him enough. 

Asahi says he’s sorry for not expressing himself enough.

Jaehyuk is insistent on putting the blame on himself. He was selfish and impulsive on his decision, making them end up in this kind of situation. Jaehyuk rambles on; once he starts pouring out his feelings, he just couldn’t stop. 

And this is when Asahi finally pulls away, stopping at a hair’s breadth away, locking his eyes to his. The way Asahi pulls him in still feels like a dream - he has never initiated a kiss before - but the way one folds himself into the other and easily working their way through a single breath convinces Jaehyuk that everything about the moment is real. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope no one takes this the wrong way i love asahi just as he is and i dont wish for him to change at all. the amplification of his character is simply for dramatics and fictional world purposes. thank you for reading! kudos/comments appreciated <3


End file.
